Stuart Smalley Is My Friend
January 23, 2012 :: Couples, Relationships
I got busted once in Grad School for laughing at a video that demonstrated a therapeutic intervention. I’ll never forget it. It was
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy and Insoo Kim-Berg was doing her thing. Where I’m totally open to different types of theories the demonstration in the video, seemed really silly to me. I went on to defend that position to my professor (who didn’t appreciate mine or any of the other giggles). Making it clear to her that it wasn’t the theory - in-and-of-itself - it was the way it was done – it seemed way too simple and everyone seemed way too happy.
I often remind myself of this when I attempt to explain a skill to a client. Despite the emotional difficulties you might be having, some of these skills really do seem ridiculous – at first. Like positive self-talk. It’s something you do in order to change the negative thought patterns you have. It really works, though explaining that sounds like, well, Stuart Smalley. Though the exaggeration of this really seems to help clients understand the concept. I think people are comforted that SNL made a parody of real life therapy – knowing that they’re not alone, that this is a bit silly and that adding humor can definitely lighten the load.
I tell clients that the skills we work on are not unlike the skills of learning to ride a skateboard (or anything else for that matter). You have to practice, fine tune and prevent yourself from falling. It’s the only way to be good at anything - you have to practice.
The good news about all this silly and uncomfortable stuff is that it’s all private. No one knows but you (and maybe me) that you’re working on your stuff. Because really – you are good enough, smart enough, and, doggonit, people like you!